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When you are trying hard [Wednesday
April 13th, 2016

The dreamer

Do you start at the beginning?
Does the beginnning start when you first opened your eyes? When you inhaled your first breathe?

We were all too young and innocent to remember the feeling, too young to remember our first cry, the expression our mom had when she first looked at that small mush of flesh, squirming in her arms, crying.

We didn't have the capacity to imagine what we wanted to become, our goals, our aspirations, what we wanted in life. We were a blank piece of paper; our names are the first few words written on that piece of papdr, beautifully written at the very top corner by our parents. In print? Absolutely not! It was rather written in an intricate cursive style. why? We needed more care, it needed more attention and patience. It was calligraphy that started would apparently start our stories.

I had to believe that words flow with grace, that it needed alot of focus, because it was too sensitive


The Crazy

It starts with a name. And the name evolves into a character, the character becomes a god, and the god becomes the demon, and the demon becomes a man, and in the end, the man transcribes how he came to be.


The Fool

When the time comes, he will look my way.


The Chef

This recipe does not require uncommon and inexpensive ingredients, on the contrary, you could say that this requires ingredients commonly found anywhere but the method of preparing this dish is quite tedious. And it requires alot of patience.



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Gibberish Gibberish [Saturday
May 9th, 2015

You stride across a room, fidgetting; hands on the side, gazing-- wondering why people gather in such an enormous room filled with pieces of clothe,  drench in enormous amounts of colors, colors  that somehow meshed together to form a picture, framed, and neatly placed side by side along the wall.

As you passed pieces that differ in size, shade, scene and style. Unknowingly, you've come back into a full circle--unsuspectingly you keep coming back to that one frame. That piece of material, that despite of the constant criticism of how it looked and represented; "It is so dull," they whispered, "so sullen," some said. Everyone sees it as a waste of space, that craft seemed to have enchanted you.

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Ramblings of an unknown girl [Friday
May 8th, 2015

When You Are Silent, more often than not, the universe whispers opportunities, regrets and it tends to float along your memories.

A little noise won't hurt, just enough to keep your sanity and your mind from wandering around.

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Silence [Wednesday
May 6th, 2015

My voice echoes across the hall.

I try to wait. I understand the outcome, I know what lies ahead. Yet I wait, sitting still, silent, contemplating.

My voice echoes across the hall; without moving my lips, without making a sound, my windpipes rest, hoping someone would hear.

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I want to... grr.. [Thursday
June 13th, 2013

It's never about quiting nor was about putting up a good fight. It's suppose to be about what you're going to get. Because at the end of the day, everyone will think differently and everyone would want to have their own agendas satisfied (but seriously? can we, basing it from our nature as human beings, be contented?).


just a thought. =\

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I guess it's that time again.. [Wednesday
May 22nd, 2013
[ mood | bored ]

Let's try this....

I'll play the game again. Let's see what happens.

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gah [Wednesday
September 5th, 2012
[ mood | sad ]

I'm still alive but my layout is all messy and stuff.. tsk. :(

help me with my livejournal layout? T_T

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Ola from the world above [Saturday
February 25th, 2012
[ mood | complacent ]

aaahhh.... livejournal.. we meet again.. XD

I am still in the office hoping to finish all of my compliances, I still have 3 more appraisals to finish then my own, after that coaching ceritifcation then... a little break I guess, whichever comes first. Jeez, this has been the most stressful week evuh but although this is the case, I'm still cool with the work load and the MOST of the people around me. I guess this is what they call--contented for now.

'Hello procrastination--I need to break up with you for now' hahaha.

Thank you music--you're keeping me alive right now.


I might go to MOA to watch the Pyrolympics thing with some friends. MIGHT

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Last part of my rambles. [Monday
December 13th, 2010
[ mood | blah ]


Why is it so hard to love? what's with all the complications and problems? why do people stupidly let other people change them; to their way of thinking, perception and habits to the way they dress and look.

When you decide (or feel) to fall 'in-love', It should be a two way connection. let's face it.. all of us have our own flaws, we have our own individual way of processing what we see (the way he perceives a thought), our own unique way of showing our emotions, our own routines and defense mechanisms. We even have our own sets of facial expressions. So why does love change those traits or individualism that we have? why do we let them change all of those? it's simple really.. Because in the midst of ours and our partner's clashing ideas, perception and traits, we still feel passionate and curious enough to change--to see and feel at first hand what it would feel to be in his shoes. You have to understand as well that the only constant thing in the world is CHANGE, so why not change with someone you love; the person who you feel passionate and care about? It'll be hard and bumpy but that's why it takes two to tango--you have to learn how to understand and accept everything about them. A word of advice: It will hurt, it will make you cry and it'll definitely be worth it (if you let it). If it doesn't turn out good, think positive--let it be a learning experience. Let it open your mind to new prospects, to new experiences and to new people, but you also have to pick the things that you can benefit from, don't hold onto bad memories--believe me.. it'll just drive you crazy.

In the end.. when we're in love--we do the craziest and dirtiest things, not because they say it's fine.. it's because in some way.. we understand, feel and see the logical reason in the most irrational reaction in the most unexpected events.

"There's only us, there's only this.. forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way.. no day but today." - Mimi (RENT)

By: Isabel "Sab" Reloj

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rambles part 2... :) [Monday
December 13th, 2010
[ mood | amused ]

A friend of mine texted me something that I should prolly learn to understand and process. "Hope but never expect. Look forward but never wait." but wouldn't it make sense that when *be hope, it's like we're also expecting something to happen? or is it that we hope but we would need to also exert effort and control ourselves in expecting all good things to happen; we can't dictate what the other party would feel in response to our show of emotions. The fact remains that they are also individuals that would, in most cases, have their own way of thinking, their own response systems and may not even have the same set of emotions that we have. It's better to hope but never expect that the receiving party would reciprocate the same feelings towards us. If you do, you might progress your feelings to some other type of infatuation that might even force him/her away from you, would you even want that? I wouldn't.


As a previous Team Lead said in one of his blogs, "Every scar heals." Why is it that we will always see the scar and the good memories we have had with that person. But the pain that comes with it doesn't necessarily go away that easily. Does it mean that moving along (moving on) means you've accepted the fact that it's really over and you can't go back to the way it was? Isn't crying a big part of the moving on process? what if you can't cry? what if.. no matter what you do, say to yourself, trying to convince your inner self that you have to move on ergo you have to cry, you couldn't shed a tear; that everytime you see that person, either by picture or in person--your heart still stops, the world you currently stand upon actually moves in slow motion and at the same time your chest gets heavier, you can't breathe and it seems like something is trying to yank your heart out of your body, but you can't really cry--your system is trying to tell you to cry but your body doesn't seem to respond. It's not that he's not worth your tears or you aren't ready to move on, the reason why you can't cry is simply because of your previous scars, scars from your past relationship. If a toddler or a baby can be taught various aspects of life using a simple method of cause and effect, the heart can also do the same thing. Our previous scars made our emotions stronger and better, our pride, thicker and harder to penetrate, so when it comes to crying it all out--our emotions and pride will only tell ourselves not to cry because "we should know better,"


So when can I say that I should stop? Am I still holding onto a wishful thinking that there might be something that can grow and in any way progress into what I could call a 'decent' relationship? I guess I'm tired of having an open relationship or as some would say.. 'casual' relationships. I'm tired of being thrown when they're done with me.. I'm tired of being played around and getting hurt. I'm tired of lying to myself, telling me that it's alright and that he might be the one. Although, it seems like, I too am at fault for letting them into my life and into my heart... knowing full well, they can never commit to me 100% ..it hurts to say this, but I should really know better. I should stop my fantasy that a prince in a white/brown horse would come and carry me, or at least extend his hand to me--offering a little bit of help without me asking for it. I'm just into the fairy tale world where there will always be a villain, a prince or a hero that would help a damsel in distress (me? hopefully) and that in our love story, there will be challenges, there will be a climax and a plot--but I don't think it will really happen in the real world. Every man who tries to be kind or even try to be sweet becomes a hero in my eyes. I'm too easy for them I guess, and it's somewhat very low or weak of me. I keep on kicking or denying reality for what it is... This is up until here only. There won't be anything else, no progress or no relationship, no him. I'd rather have that--at least I won't be lying to myself, I have to let myself grow, may it be hurtful or happily ever after, the fact should still remain--I become true to what I feel.

You see, I've lied to him, I told him I wasn't expecting anything in return because he already gave me that kind of expectation but in reality I don't think that that's what I wanted to convey--I was so scared of losing him that I decided to say what he wanted to hear--so I wouldn't give him a hassle that might give him a reason to leave me. But that was too selfish of me and stupid, yes.. because I know--deep inside me, I was lying to myself and I knew for a fact that he was looking for a reason to leave me--something that can make me slip, giving him enough reason to leave me. He doesn't care nor will he ever care--I'm a nobody to him, and I'm not a great loss to him. It even came from him, "Hindi ako kawalan" his exact words that everytime I remember--it etches itself inside me, giving me enough reason to let go.

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